And The Jumper

Ok, as well as the addict, the other fascinating character was the one in bed opposite.  She must have been mid to late 20's, was married and had her mother who came in to see her often.  Basically, when I was brought in and coming around from the general anaesthetic and the morphine highs, I kept smiling at her.  All she did was scowl back.

Anyway, it turns out that she'd tried to end it all by jumping out of the window at her mums flat.  She survived with a broken leg and the left side of her face was drooping a bit but on the whole she was alive and relatively unscathed.

Anyway, for the first few days she had lots of docs and psych people visiting her and drawing curtains around her.  I have very good hearing and an uncanny knack of turning in and out of conversations so I managed to piece together her story from those conversations.  In the main she just wanted to be discharged back into her mums care but her mum did not want that to happen. She called her mum a witch and blamed her for everything - in many ways it was like viewing crazy teenage tantrums which were far worse as they had had such a dramatic and almost devastating ending.  

Her hubby didn't seem like the brightest kid on the block but he seemed to try and do all he could to make her happy.  Her mum by no means seemed perfect but she did care so that was something.
During the night the jumper was bloody annoying as she was like a whining child moaning and asking for painkillers.  In our part of the ward, her general moaning was stopping everyone from sleeping.  There was one night when the others turned on her and told her to shut the hell up.  It was about time really as she in many ways was there due her own devices and the rest of us were there for ops etc.  You could tell she wasn't used to being told off in that manner as she soon shut up.

In the end, an ambulance came by one day and she was carted off to a mental hospital nearby.

The Addict

Oh yes the craziness of the patients on my ward just went on and on.

The Scouse Addict
A recovering heroin addict on methadone who was in hospital for stomach pains - which roughly translated to she wanted a safe place to stay with warmth and 3 square meals a day. Actually on the food front we would be served 3 courses for all meals and she would always go for 2nds and large portions.

She was actually one of of the friendliest people on the ward.   She was talkative,  actually at times a bit too much and one of the few people that said hello to everybody and I mean everybody.

Being on methadone also meant that she knew her way around a drug cabinet and her rights and entitlements.  She would automatically wake up when it was time for drugs and at times chase the nurses for them.  Yes when this was in the middle of the night it was not conducive to those of us who actually wanted to sleep at night in order to get the well and get the hell out of there (me).

The other thing was that she drank so much tea.  Day, and night "can I have a cup of tea please nurse" " can I have some hot water please" as she even had her own ready supply of tea bags, milk and sugar.  Supposedly tea helps methadone get into the system quicker apparently.

She also had some kind of behavioural problems - once a thought was planted in her head she would just go on and on and on.  Oh my god believe having someone asked repeatedly for drugs or tea did get kind of annoying and at times I did scream in my head.

Patients - The Good, The Bad and the downright crazy

Well my first foray into the hospital was certainly interesting esp as I had 2 different locations on the ward during my stay.  The patients were certainly a mixed bag and in many ways the inspiration for me to write this blog - just fantastic characters to observe when there's nothing else to do as you're stuck indoors.  Here's the cast list:

The Surrey Princess
The ultimate in posh bitchiness.  She was a classic, skinny,dirty blonde, demanding - someone where only the best would do. Actually, on the 2 days that I was on the ward with her, I don't think she actually spoke to me - maybe I just didn't come across as being posh enough.  Anyway, she certainly knew her painkillers and was an expert in saying oohh no, such and such doesn't work for me, I prefer this and that one (the more expensive pills from  what I can ascertain).  This girl knew her drugs and her rights.  Her nervous disposition compounded her fear of needles and her own shadow by the looks of things meant that she wasn't the best patient when it came to getting a line put in or having bloods taken.  I have to admit it was kind of funny to watch.

She did display the ultimate example of bitchiness though. One of the other patients whose mum had flown over from Georgia as soon as her daughter was rushed into hospital arrived outside visiting hours straight from the airport. Anyway, the Surrey Princess told the nurses that it wasn't fair that her mum was there outside of the official opening hours and that she should leave.  Basically her parents had been told that they would have to wait until official opening hours to see her.

It was divine retribution though when her parents arrived early too and the other girl got to say to the nurses that that wasn't fair and they were asked to leave and come back later. She shouldn't have been a cow in the first place.  It was hard enough being in hospital as it was.

The Georgian
Apart from her run in with the Surrey Princess she seemed quite nice.  Although her and her boyfriend seemed to spend most of their time hiding behind curtains - not sure if her encounter with the princess meant that she just didn't want to have a shop window open to all on the ward.  Her mum was lovely though. Plus her mysterious boyfriend seemed nice.

The Joan Collins Esq Glamour puss
Defo my fav character that I met in hospital.  She was an old lady from a bygone area - who did her hair and put on make up just before major surgery and was chatting up the young docs (she must have been in her 80s).  She was just fabulous and had such a zest for life that it was just infectious.  Rouge, bouffant hair and powdered face.

She was Italian and lived in Highgate with her elderly brother who she helps to look after. Constantly reading Mills and Boonesque love stories and having energy and having a smile on her face. She had fractured her leg and left it for four days before coming to hospital as she thought it was nothing and didn't want to waste anyone's time.  How amazing was that and humbling. I loved chatting to her as she was fascinating and I have her number and will defo call her to make sure that she is ok.  Plus help her out I guess - once I'm fully back on my feet.

It has to be said if I'm anything like her when I'm her age with energy and spunk I'd be one happy bunny.

More about the characters in my next post .......